By Virtue of Release

What is this aging?

2008-10-15T05:48:00.001-07:00

What is this aging
that hides and scares me at night?
My children delight me.

October so crisp

2008-10-07T15:45:00.000-07:00

October so crisp -
her days friend-warm, nights firm-chilled;
like any good friend.

Celebrate inconsistency

2008-09-26T14:00:00.001-07:00

There is no perfection other than the way things are now. Consistency is a concept that warps reality and a practice that makes us into liars.

Autumn once more

2008-09-22T05:34:00.000-07:00

Earth she knows no stress;
Why worry about worrying,
All things being equal?

Back from Hibernation

2008-09-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

Summer's almost over. I'm coming out of blog hibernation. Watch out.

Fear and the Future

2008-06-04T04:27:00.000-07:00

I'm at our headquarters in Maryland participating in high-level planning for our organization. We are creating our next five year strategic plan.

Here's what I notice: Fear has us focus on deficiencies. I'm talking about very subltle, sometimes insidious fear. Like with personal growth I believe that only practices will more fully uncover negative emotions and thoughts that limit us. In this case, the practice is to focus on assets and strengths and to plan from that place. If we pay attention then this practice will uncover our fears.

The great thing about uncovering our fears is that we can then be with them, say hello, and, perhaps, say goodbye; we will actually be more aware of them but we no longer will be working based upon them.

I'm excited about our work today.

My Fault

2008-05-31T08:02:00.000-07:00

My fault is that I run away. I've done it for so long that I believe it find pleasure in doing so.

The dharma teaches me that doing so brings suffering. My commitment is to follow the dharma in this matter.

When I am pumped about being with this reality I yell, "Bring it on". When I find no motivation to be with this reality I seek my commitment to the dharma, to the option for not suffering, and to my love for this world.

A Fence for Joy

2008-05-19T05:21:00.000-07:00

My brother Sean and I tore down the fence in the back of our yard and put up a new one over the weekend. My love/hate relationship with home improvements was absent on this project because Sean has a ken for such work. I love being the #2 guy to someone who knows what they are doing. And we just have a darn good time working and being together.

Last evening as Bobbi and were talking about this she told me, "Yes, you make a good second lieutenant." I told her that I think when there are just two workers I'm not sure both are officers.

The fence looks great. Our neighbors are happy with it. Bobbi is happy. Sean and I had a joyful time. Amen.

A Capitol Possibility

2008-05-15T04:43:00.000-07:00

We attended the ribbon cutting for the Capitol Theater here at W. 65 & Detroit last night. As part of the Gordon Square Arts District the Capitol will be a three-screen theater for independent, foreign and documentary films. Here on the west side! The best part? Bobbi will no longer be suffered to listen to me whine all the way over to the east side for such films.

The event yesterday was sponsored by Detroit Shoreway. They honored and thanked all those investors making the renovation and opening of the Capitol possible. But in addition to the investors there are two people in particular that we can thank: Ray Pianka and Jeff Ramsey. Without both of them, during their particular time of leadership, this possibility would not be-becoming a reality. Thanks Ray and Jeff.

I'm picturing myself in a seat at the Capitol watching a great new foreign film - and only two blocks from my home - a two-run homer.

Crossing the harbor

2008-05-13T05:14:00.000-07:00

Disappointment rings the bell,
calls mind and body to release
attachment to this and that;
sitting on this seat.

Traction in my mind

2008-05-10T16:38:00.000-07:00

I spent the day with Bobbi here in New York City exploring some of Staten Island. We took the subway, the ferry, two buses and our feet to visit the Staten Island Botanical Garden (http://www.sibg.org/) and Alice Austen's house (http://www.aliceausten.org/). (The Chinese Scholar's Garden at the SIBG is a must.)

I'm not by nature an adventurous traveller without a car. Although I found out in England last fall that I'm pretty cool with it when out in the country. The urban intensity sets me off my mark, so to speak. Bobbi then becomes the guide and she is a fantastic one.

What I find out in these situations is that it's great to give up decisions to her and just enjoy the trip. As I said, I'm more accomplished at this in certain environments over others. What I do know is that when I can let go of the story that I automatically bring to the situation, "I don't do well travelling in the big city", other stories come up, get created, gain traction in my mind. I like that.

Be well.

Incentives, motivation and inertia

2008-05-06T16:17:00.000-07:00

I was in Columbus today to make grant allocation decisions for affordable green housing developments in Ohio. We had significantly more projects "going green" and requesting funds than we had funds available.

It is inspiring that so many developers of affordable housing around the state are making a commitment to build their housing to be green, healthy and respectful of natural resources. The diversity of developments includes urban and rural; non-profit and for-profit; new construction and rehab; senior housing, family housing and housing for homeless.

This experience shows that incentives can encourage well-meaning businesses to jump in and do the right thing. The incentives jump start the process, they do not pay for the new endeavor in full, they do enable motivation, instead of inertia, to be determine the future. Amen.

My Morning Prayer

2008-05-05T18:31:00.000-07:00

Waking up this morning I smile,
a brand new 24 hours are before me;
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.

- Thich Naht Hanh

Gifts are chosen

2008-04-15T05:47:00.000-07:00

Whatever talents we have, whatever we are good at, whatever best other people see in us - none of that is a gift unless and until we give it to others.

My that sounds trite; something from 4th grade religion class, no? But let's look at it with no judgement involved. My talents are no less a talent if I do not give it to others. And there is nothing bad about not giving it; keep that guilt away!

A transformation takes place when I choose to share a talent with someone else. The act is what transforms not the talent. Giving makes the talent a gift. Gifts are where surprise and hope find life (thank you Brother David.) In other words, gifts make life rich.

Greed

2008-04-01T05:51:00.000-07:00

Buddha taught that there are Three Poisons: Greed, Hatred and Delusion.

The current housing crisis is certainly caused by Greed. The banks, the investment houses, the investors all wanted to "increase their margin" as usual. Don't they make it sound innocuous? Our governments allowed them to do it. So mostly innocent folks are now losing their homes, losing the value of the primary investment and suffering increased crime.

Meanwhile, what's up with these greedy banks? This from the New York Times this morning on one of them, Deutshce Bank:

''Conditions have become significantly more challenging during the last few weeks,'' the bank said. ''Reflecting this environment, Deutsche Bank anticipates in the first quarter 2008 markdowns in the region of 2.5 billion euros, related to leveraged loans and loan commitments, commercial real estate and residential mortgage-backed securities.''
Despite the write-downs, the bank said it expected to stay on its course and its shares rose 2.8 percent to 73.70 euros ($116.53)."

In other words, "we're writing off $4 billion and it's going to stay bad but our shares are rising because other greedy investors think that we are still relatively a good opportunity for a little more margin."

The world will end this way, for the benefit of a little more margin.

Let Go of Time

2008-03-30T06:41:00.000-07:00

Let go of the past,
Let go of the future,
Welcome.

My Hopes

2008-03-26T15:28:00.001-07:00

I am down here in Dallas participating in developing a five year strategic plan for our Dallas market team. Yesterday we were asked what some of our hopes were. My answers:

One hope I have for the world: Understanding among all people.

One hope I have for my family: Abounding happiness.

One hope I have for myself: Be fearless.

Yeah Baby!

Moon on the Water

2008-03-24T05:15:00.000-07:00

Moon on the water
Guides my early morning flight.
Wing obstructs my view.

Resurrection Faith

2008-03-23T06:48:00.000-07:00

I believe that we die and can be reborn hundreds of times each day.
I believe that we die and can remain dead for years.
Courage to find joy is the difference.
Teachers are the difference.
Seeing Wonder is the difference.
Standing for Peace is the difference.
Being present, fearless and with love in our hearts is the difference.

Anniversaries

2008-03-18T06:12:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my parents' 63rd wedding anniversary. They made it to their 59th in this life. I honor their life together by saying thank you for the world that they made better, for giving me life, giving my children life and for breaking a sad Irish tradition of drinking too much and fucking up lives - they had great lives!

Today is also the anniversary of the destruction of the One Ring that led to the downfall of so many in LOTR through greed and misuse of power. In memory I ask, What is the One Ring in our world today? Greed and power are certainly fucking up the world now, sadly screwing working folk and poor folks in this country and throughout the world; and fucking up the earth as we speak. What will it take to get those in power to see the brutality of their way? If only we had a ring to throw into the fire. Meanwhile, speaking truth must be our anniversary flag.

When an action is without love does it have value?

2008-03-13T05:07:00.000-07:00

I read an obituary in The Economist on the plane yesterday, of Baba Amte. He was born into well-off family in India but became a follower of Gandhi which led to his becoming a champion of India's lepers and outcastes. He died on February 9th at the age of 93.

His story is amazing for this - he chose to make love the meaning of his life. By accident he touched a leper one day and drew back in fear. This shaped his life. "He was outraged at the fear he felt ... Where the was fear, he told himself, there was no love; and when an action was not done it love, it had no value."

I'm not called to live on an ashram (yet, Bobbi) but I am called by Baba Amte's commitment to loving action. Today.

Offering Goodness

2008-03-11T18:36:00.001-07:00

We talked at the Zendog yesterday about humans acting out of fear and constriction rather than out of confidence in the goodness we have to offer and the unending expansiveness that is our true nature.

Offering our goodness to others is a seed for both the giver and the one who receives; a seed that when watered with confidence in our true nature grows into greater goodness for both. In this case, unending means unending.

Fearlessness supports presence which supports love, which is none other than the offering of goodness that exists anyway - it's just joyful to realize it.

Late Winter Embers

2008-03-09T17:48:00.000-07:00

Late winter embers
warm my feet; ready now.
My heart looks back.

Give a loose to your soul

2008-03-02T13:21:00.000-08:00

In the poem, Two Tramps in Mud Time, Robert Frost writes,

"The blows that a life of self-control
Spares to strike for the common good,
That day, giving a loose to my soul,
I spent on the unimportant wood."

While reading the poem today I fell in love with that line, "giving a loose to my soul." The protagonist moved beyond his life of work, of attainment, of self-control, even though done for the common good, and gave himself permission to just chop wood; the chopping really no less important, and no more, than his other work.

Where is the opportunity in your life today to give a loose to your soul?

One response

2008-03-01T12:08:00.001-08:00

Time is.

Leap Day Koan

2008-02-29T07:24:00.000-08:00

Why do we say Happy Leap Day?

Choices We Make

2008-02-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

I was driving down to Columbus today when, twenty miles into the trip, I turned around. Without getting into details that are unimportant anyway what was clear was that I got in touch with having a choice and that each choice had consequences, the karma of that choice.

Being in touch with the karma of our choices is good practice. We cannot see what will happen but we can bring awareness to our actions.

Less judgement, more awareness. Wise.

Late February Fire

2008-02-23T19:10:00.000-08:00

Building this fire in this my stolen time,
does give me satisfaction; as I shall tend
the flame, shall add more wood and move it so
as just to burn a way allowing rhyme.

Late in February my mind’s toward Spring;
talk of gardening both afternoon and eve.
Yet snow fell lightly down just Thursday night
and sunshine’s melt’s left to imagining.

So much more the joy this fire excites
in me as winter wanes yet warmth now lacks.
So I shall tend and call upon the flames
for every need illumined in her light.

What needs? The sight for temporary times;
A heart to burn away all fears; a voice
for calling in the Spring; and, whispering,
faith in the flames when fears freeze heart and mind.

A Love Supreme

2008-02-18T11:10:00.000-08:00

Find our costumes
for the day, the month, this moon;
for now we play as him, towards her,
not forever, certainly not.
Sadly we half-hide the costume which
half-hides the change creating our yearning.
Let's wear these costumes with pride
and a love supreme may blow.

It's Spatial Stupid

2008-02-17T14:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday on the radio I heard a blind scientist talking about a new system of maps that he's created based on braile. Streets on the maps are raised and use notations to indicate names and directions, etc.

What a simple idea but not successfully used before. The scientist said, "People think of maps as visual but they are not, they are spatial", and blind people also have spatial relationships to the physical world.

What a great example of how what we already know often gets in the way of other knowing - or more often, of relating to others and how they might know the same thing differently, thus enriching our own knowing.

Just stop fighting

2008-02-14T17:45:00.000-08:00

To stop fighting was is
we cannot turn to fight what is not -
just stop fighting.

Becoming Fetchable

2008-02-11T18:39:00.000-08:00

Joan Sutherland in the current issue of Buddhadharma magazine writes about how koan practice grew out of 8th century China during a period of deep troubles. I highly recommend the article.

She writes, "Practice is about making us fetchable. It helps us to recognize what gets in the way of our being fetched, and then gives us a method to deconstruct the obstacle."

What a great, beautiful and challenging goal - to become fetchable. Being open to being fetched by all around us, without judgements, concepts, fears, hopes, etc. Go for it.

The Earth is Cold Today

2008-02-10T14:17:00.000-08:00

How strange - to be some warm yesterday then so cold today. It is in single digits this afternoon. So hard to connect to the same earth.

I read a Wendel Berry poem again that talks of being estranged from the dance of the earth in the city. In Song (3), he writes:
"I knew that circle broken, the steps awry,
stone and iron humming in the air.

But I thought even there, among the straying
steps, of the dance that circles life around,
its shadows moving on the ground, in rhyme
of flesh with flesh, time with time, our bliss,
the earthly song that heavenly is."

How wonderfully put - that connection is always available. I brought firewood inside today and have had a fire on and off all day in the living room. Thanking the earth and nature. Amen.

Buffy a boddhisatva?

2008-02-05T06:02:00.000-08:00

I've been watching a lot of Buffy lately. Yes, that's correct, I'm 50 and also a BTVS fan, bigtime. What of it Seth?

Here's part of why I love the show: Buffy and crew usually don't know how they are going to deal with their challenges; hell, they don't even know how to deal with day to day life. To meet life and their challenges they:
- Are honest with themselves, although not necessarily always with each other.
- Practice every day; Buffy with her kick and punch and stake routine, Willow with her magics and meditation, etc.
- Rely on each other - so even when they are not honest with each other as a routine, when the hard times come, as they do every day in the form of external demons, they ask for help, they communicate from the heart.
- They have a big hairy audacious goal always in the forefront: Save the world.

Boddhisatvas for sure.

Super bore

2008-02-03T17:45:00.000-08:00

Tell you what. Let's do the show without the football and without the commercials. Just quiet, relaxing nothing. What'ya say?

Calling to speak

2008-02-01T15:46:00.000-08:00

I joined with other officers in my company today to review our mission and values as part of developing a new five year strategic plan. There were almost fifty of us.

The conversation was so rich and resulted in some remarkable changes. I wonder why? Everyone in the room is very smart in one way or another. Everyone is very committed to the organization and to our social change mission. But I've been in meetings with the group before and the level of creativity and collaboration did not reach today's achievements.

I think it was because everyone in the room was committed to everyone else having a voice. That respect was clear and it called out to folks to contribute. Without being trite I can say that it was an honor to be part of the event with this group.

Worry and judgement

2008-01-29T18:17:00.000-08:00

The Worry Train that bring tension and insomnia often brings along the Judgement Caboose.

Perhaps the best way to derail the train is to jump on the caboose and say, "Hello judgement, let's be friends, I let you go."

May your train cars rock you in peace and show you a world of beauty.

Always fertile

2008-01-28T10:26:00.000-08:00

The cactus blooms again:
a wonder in pink and green.
Christ in us always fertile.

I vote for that

2008-01-24T16:01:00.000-08:00

How do these political candidates do it? Are they all playing Dr. Faustus, even as they think that in the end it will be for the benefit of the country? I think so.

Then who are we? If we respond with cynicism we are just cynics, no matter how right we think we are in response to their bull. Let's respond with another choice. Compassion for the folks we meet today. Belief in our true nature as all connected and all already enlightened. I vote for that.

Unjustifed winter beauty

2008-01-17T17:45:00.000-08:00

I drove back from Columbus late this afternoon. I was dog tired after two days of meetings. But I remembered how I love the trees along the highway this time of year. You can see so far into the woods, each tree standing out in it brownness, its greyness, and all the colors in between. A gift of winter colors - just as beautiful as spring and summer and fall, more so in being unjustified beauty. I am thankful.

Driving to Sunrise

2008-01-10T06:10:00.000-08:00

I had the opportunity to drive a couple miles to the Sunrise to work this morning. I had dropped Bobbi off out in the hinterlands of lakewood for a meeting. As I drove Earth called out to let me know I was also on the Flatlands above the Lake, not quite up to the Ridge.

Sunrise, Lake, Flatland, Ridge. Not streetnames or anthropocentric. Big Self calling.

SWOT the small self

2008-01-08T18:46:00.000-08:00

What if we did a SWOT analysis of our small self?

Strength: Brings itself to collapse through clinging
Weakness: Maintains illusion of its own existence
Opportunity: Hates suffering
Threat: Likes suffering

See or go blind

2008-01-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

The swifts cry
As they shoot by, See or go blind!

- Gary Snyder, "Hunting", in "Myths and Texts"

Awareness is possible in every present moment. To be unaware is to be blind - but a blindness that is curable, only in the present; this present.

What is Grace?

2008-01-03T06:06:00.000-08:00

What is Grace but unwrapping the gift of being human?

A New Year's wish from Shunryu Suzuki-roshi

2008-01-01T13:56:00.000-08:00

When you are not thinking that you have another moment,
then naturally you can accept things as they are,
you can see things as they are.
You will have perfect wisdom at that time.

Choosing

2007-12-29T09:04:00.000-08:00

Jack R talked this morning at the Zendog about seeing and realizing the illusion that my experience and reality are the same. When we do this we see that my story about my experience is just one of many possible stories.

What happens after that? Who knows. The wisdom of the Zendog says, "Be responsible for your choice of possibilities and then see what there is to be done."

Enjoying meditation

2007-12-28T08:40:00.000-08:00

Our Southcoast zen group has been sitting every morning between the holidays again this week. One of our discussion questions is, "What has shifted in your practice this year?"

This morning I realized that one of the changes in the my practice of late is that I often enjoy meditation. For so long meditation was a serious thing, almost a burden at times. My mind would wonder and I would almost yell at myself. Or I would subtly judge myself for not keeping the breathing and simple observation of meditation constant.

This year I've learned to just let go of whatever happens during meditation; and to not judge myself or my practice. Ergo it becomes an enjoyment - often a source of joy.

This change was made possible by a series of discussions within our meditation group this year - so thank you to all the members of the Southcoast sangha.

Winter vs. Christmas

2007-12-23T17:29:00.000-08:00

Today turned from rain to snow, always wind blowing hard. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. Which is more true?

from Meister Eckhart

2007-12-21T19:15:00.000-08:00

God is not attained by a process of addition to anything in the soul, but by a process of subtraction.- Meister Eckhart

How beautiful. Take away my protection and make me vulnerable and then I can receive the gifts of love and grace and be grateful.

Retreat haiku

2007-12-19T18:08:00.000-08:00

At the Southcoast retreat weekend before last one of our practices was in haiku writing. The theme of the retreat was impermanence. Here is a link to some of the haiku written that day.

http://southcoastzendog.googlepages.com/fall2007retreathaiku

Not knowing

2007-12-10T06:08:00.000-08:00

Embracing "Not Knowing" has changed my experience of life. Not knowing what will happen next - easy in some cases, damn difficult in others. Not knowing how I will feel. Not knowing what another person is feeling, why they are doing something the way they are, why they are even wearing the darn shirt they have one, let alone what lies deep in their emotional well.

Embracing not knowing brings freedom from judging which brings wisdom and compassion, the two gifts the Buddha promised to those who wake up. Thanks Big B.

early winter haiku

2007-12-04T06:14:00.000-08:00

Snow covers the way,
The walk hidden within white;
Until she returns.

A Local Leader

2007-11-28T18:33:00.000-08:00

I had a meeting with a local political official today about an urgent and acute issue facing our community. The official was open and honest in his communication. He was creative and innovative in his thinking about solutions. He clearly did not think he already knew all the answers and genuinely sought out ideas. He asked for help and for resources.

I came out of the meeting wanting to offer him anything I could to support him as a leader in solving this problem. I was energized to give. I am excited to do all I can. What a difference his attitude and approach made for me. He is very intelligent but it is not his intelligence that makes him a great leader. It was asking me to contribute and knowing that my contribution will be valued.

Thank you.

Say Shhh to Should

2007-11-26T05:55:00.000-08:00

In talking with Bobbi this long, wonderful weekend, we were both off on Friday also, she shared about totally deleting the word "should" from our vocabulary. She was reminded of this from a book on language she's reading.

When she was older and wiser, my mother used to say, "Don't Should on Yourself!" I think she got that from some mental health book or group. Funny and true.

So, this morning while driving to work Bobbi and I agreed to "Say shhh to Should." Using the word Should just automatically disempowers, makes excuses for not being in action, creates guilt, shits on yourself, etc. Try it out - delete the word from your vocabulary.

As the televangelists say, "Make the pledge now, Say Shhh to Should." See what happens. Don't let any guilt or judgement get in the way. Do it, observe what happens, do it some more. Find our true selves.

Perhaps the last (with more in between)

2007-11-24T15:53:00.000-08:00

The full moon reclaims an eye.

the rain an ear, anise our nose.

A muddy foot opens the door

we enter and never again close.

Verse second

2007-11-23T13:52:00.000-08:00

The tilt of our earth is no mistake

we are what we are in full due cause.

Her seasons are grace, her nights awake

nocturnes within, without and away.

Raking at dusk

2007-11-18T15:29:00.000-08:00

Tonight I begin a poem:

The doom began with the streetlamp,
when the moon lost our eye’s easy glance;
when we found sight for ground-dark leaves
not illumined in time’s half-moon dance.

We are gates

2007-11-17T09:39:00.000-08:00

How do we exist?
Opening and closing gates -
Wind blows east and west.

From brother Jack Ricchiuto

2007-11-13T06:07:00.000-08:00

#35 from "Conscious Becoming" (Jack's latest book - a modern Tao Te Ching)

Whether we like it or not,
whether we approve of it or not,
Whether it makes sense to us or not,
things are the way they are,
because they have become fully possible.

And if in the process, we realize
that what we do right now
makes something else more fully possible,
we discover our power,
and dwell in a calm sense of possibility.

Pain and suffering

2007-11-11T17:14:00.001-08:00

I don't suffer well. Or perhaps it is that I don't deal with pain well but suffer well. How do I change this?

Waking up with a Hi.

2007-11-06T05:29:00.000-08:00

How would we live our life if we realized that every aspect of our lives, "external" and "internal", was truly impermanent? We discussed this question at the Zendog last night.

My answer was, "I'd wake up in the morning and say to myself, "Hi, who are you?"

Working outside today

2007-11-04T17:54:00.000-08:00

Bobbi and I worked outside the house today. I raked leaves and cut the grass. But this year was different. This year I planned to put the leaves in my new compost bin and I was using my new push-mower.

Because of this I do think I felt different about the work. I felt that the work was part of the cycle of earth and the season. Returning dead leaves to become humus. Using my own power and not that of a gas engine to trim the grass and leaving the clippings on the yard to decompose. This is a way of being in harmony with the way things are.

Power is not a human trait that takes us anywhere near happiness; mindfulness of the way and discipline to be in harmony are. Good times.

Slow down and sit to slow down.

2007-10-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

I've read about three basic "Buddhist personality types" (I use that phrase with trepidation that it will become used as such.) They are based upon the Three Poisons: Greed (desire), Hate (aversion) and Delusion (confusion); thus people whose natural tendencies are either to Desire, Judge or be Confused. Think about people you know. Which tendency do they predominantly possess? Fun, huh? Now stop that game, it goes nowhere skillful.

We all possess each of these three tendencies. Each will manifest through our thoughts, words and actions dependent on the specific circumstances of a moment and the karma we bring to that moment. Faster than the speed of thought; thus faster than the speed of words and actions. We are controlled by our desires, our judgements, our delusions unless we slow down.

In Zazen we sit and slow down. Yesterday at the Zendog this chant found me while sitting: "No desire, no judgement, no confusion." I was not denying my human nature. I was not wishing them away. I was realizing that in the pure moment itself there is no desire, no judgement, no confusion; there is my breath, my observation of the three poisons as they may arise and my release of them as they arise - all in the moment. (Thanks Jack and Pete for the support.)

May we slow down and observe ourselves before thought, speech or deed, becoming skillful in our thoughts, our words and our actions. For this I am grateful.

Trust opened my eyes

2007-10-25T17:27:00.000-07:00

Tonight I went to the Flowing Water Sangha for 1/2 hour evening meditation. The group meets just around the corner from my house but I've only been there for special weekend events, never during the week.

Tonight I'm a bachelor and got home from work dragging a funky mood around with me. I stopped and thought about heading over, realized that sitting would be a helpful response to my mood; and that I am committed to sitting so why wouldn't I go sit.

It was a small group. We sat for half an hour and were done. I got a hug and headed for home. Once outside I heard geese, looked up and saw a V of geese not more than 50 feet above, heading north of all directions. Beauty in flight. Beauty inside.

All was perfect when got home. Just as all was perfect when I had arrived home earlier in the evening also. Blessings do not recognize blindness. Trust opened my eyes.

Effort and ease

2007-10-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

We talked at the Zendog last night about effort and ease; about how the negative emotions we bring to a task make it difficult and full of suffering. What a great practice it is to notice any negative emotions we are bringing before we start a task or as we undertake it, to let them go and to do what there is to be done with ease and minimal suffering.

Speaking Truth

2007-10-17T06:18:00.001-07:00

Why is China going ballistic over the Dalai Lama being awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor?

The Minister for Religious Affairs (sic) (there's the first clue) says that he is a splitist and has no following. This statement came on the sidelines of the "Peoples" Congress (another clue) that is currently taking place in Beijing. He claims that the DL's statements against Tibetan independence but for significant autonomy are just a lie, a cover for independence.

Well - who do we believe? The above mentioned minister? May he be blessed with the happiness that comes with truth himself. Or the DL? A human like us but one who speaks truth more often than most of us.

Let's all of us speak truth today; to ourselves and to others. Blessings .

A semicolon a day ...

2007-10-15T05:49:00.000-07:00

What would it mean to "Live every day as if it were your last"?

But first, why live every day as if it were your last? Because it could be? Sure. Because it is? Yes again, in the sense that we are never the same, every changing. I never drink coffee, I drink coffee now; I am 30, I am 50 now; my parents live in Lorain, my parents are dead now. Each change a gift that calls for me to be grateful. Each change leads to another - thankfully.

For me these days each day is another opportunity to:

Read more poetry
Drink coffee
Make friends anew
Be present to now
And most importantly make use of semicolons; not everyone's cup of tea but one that brings me inestimable joy.

Writers & the War Against Nature

2007-10-13T10:37:00.000-07:00

Read this essay by Gary Snyder: http://www.resurgence.org/2006/snyder239.htm

I just read it and sharing it is a must. Thanks.

Time alone

2007-10-11T17:33:00.000-07:00

Time alone is so important to me. I love my wife and enjoy spending all kinds of time with her. As I do with the two people who call me "dad". I enjoy my friends, both in person and more and more these days in facsimile. Yet if I do not have time alone I often feel like I can't breathe. I like breathing. Breathing likes me.

Cooling skys

2007-10-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

Oh how sorrow comes,
Red eyes honor its visit.
Cooling skys are pink.

How happy now is

2007-08-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

August's full moon fades
while summer shimmers silver;
How happy now is!

Why Insecure

2007-08-28T06:02:00.000-07:00

Why insecure we humans?

But first, what is our reaction when insecure?

That's the key to the Why question.

Be brave.

I'm grateful for slowing down

2007-08-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

From this month's Gratefulness.org newsletter:
"If gratefulness did nothing more than to slow us down, it would still be one of the most powerful tools for transformation that the world has ever known."

I am grateful for slowing down and walking home from work today. I encountered three different friends, two that I rarely see, chatted with each, and am happier tonight because of doing so. I'm also grateful for stopping in at The Gypsy. I saw Catherine who just got home from Sweden and is back in class at law school already, and met Travis, a new barista; we exchanged stories about urban living, going to CSU and knowing Norm Krumholz. Thank you to all.

Relating to Rain

2007-08-20T05:44:00.000-07:00

How do we relate to rain?
- Call it The Rain
- Stormwater run-off, flooding
- "We needed that rain"
- Drive slower, ride bikes faster
- Grumble and grouse
- Hate the grey skies
- Love the sound of it
- "Not on Monday morning!"

How does rain relate to us? It rains. Then it doesn't.

How could we relate to rain? Raining. Thank U.

Emerson on blogging

2007-08-19T19:49:00.000-07:00

Instructions from Emerson on blogging:

"The way to speak and write what shall not go out of fashion is to speak and write sincerely. The argument which has not power to reach my own practice, I may well doubt, will fail to reach yours. But take Sidney's maxim: "Look in they heart and write." He that writes to himself writes to an eternal public. That statement only is fit to be made public which you have come at in attempting to satisfy your own curiosity. The writer who takes his subject from his ear and not from his heart would know that he has lost as much as he seems to have gained, and when the empty book has gathered all in its praise, and half the people say - "what poetry, what genius!" it still needs fuel to make fire"

- Essay IV, Spiritual Laws

Metaphor as practice

2007-08-17T06:39:00.000-07:00

At the Zendog this morning we talked about how metaphors in Zen are always pointing to practice.

The metaphor: The pond becomes clear with the muck is left to settle.

The practice: Our minds become clear with zazen. When we sit we let go of all the muck. Everything we think important enough to cling to, creating suffering, we learn to let go of. Creating a clear mind of awareness.

Each Moment Passes

2007-08-16T05:48:00.000-07:00

Each moment passes,
some sweaty sticky, some on August's breeze;
all were never now.

Riding as fast as I am riding.

2007-08-13T18:59:00.000-07:00

Riding my bike on Saturday I practiced my koan.

I was grateful for going as fast as I was going. For being able to ride - healthy enough, strong enough.

I then became grateful for not going any faster and for not going any slower. The former was more difficult than the later as I almost always want to be riding faster.

The practice allowed me to shift into awareness of the present and to be happy with it, with riding just as fast as I was riding. It was a moment of true presence, unencumbered with expectations, lacking grasping for things to be other than they were. Nirvana on two wheels. Really.

Gratefulness Koan

2007-08-11T07:02:00.000-07:00

Here's a practice I am taking up:
Be grateful for the way things are and be grateful for the way things are not.

It came to me during Friday morning meditation at the Zendog yesterday. Jan and I talked about it during dharma discussion. It is staying with me like a koan does I suppose. I'm not sure what it means or what it will result in but I've heard that's the way of a koan; not rational, breaking through the rational construct we create, opening to the way things are. Also, it's all about the present. All about the present. All about the present.

So, what can I say about this practice so far?

I am grateful for the memory of my parents. Am I grateful that my parents are now dead? No. I will practice to be so.
I am grateful that I do sitting meditation three or four times a week. I am grateful that I don't sit every day.
I am grateful for my job. I am grateful that I don't look forward to going to work every morning.
I am grateful for my overall health. I am grateful for my neuropathy.

All in the present? Smack no. I am grateful to accept and not judge things the way they are right now.

Emerson's Directions

2007-08-09T19:26:00.000-07:00

"Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into you as life, place yourself in the full center of that flood, then you are without effort impelled to truth, to right, and a perfect contentment. Then you put all gainsayers in the wrong. Then you are the world, the measure of right, of truth, of beauty."

"Each man has his own vocation. The talent is in the call. There is one direction in which all space is open to him. He has faculties silently inviting him thither to endless exertion. He is like a ship in a river; he runs against obstructions on every side but one; on that side, all obstruction is taken away, and he sweeps serenely over God's depths into an infinite sea."

Essay IV: Spiritual Laws

Forgivness of Self

2007-08-07T16:46:00.000-07:00

During our dharma discussion at the Zendog yesterday we talked about forgiveness. Listen:

Was forgiveness part of the Buddha's teaching? Maybe not.

Can one really forgive another? Is not the act based upon an illusion and grasping? The illusion being that we know what even took place. Were we so present to the offending act to have no doubt as to intention, emotion and thinking? No. If we were then we'd know there was no offense, just hurdles to that person's full expression of love. We grasp the illusion to avoid the pain.

What about forgiving ourselves? There's some bean on that vine. We can wipe clean our hearts by forgiving ourselves. We can open our hearts by forgiving ourselves. In opening we can then witness what seeps out, what arises. Pain, regret, shame, lost love, lost time, loss. Witness and let go. Because we witness only in the present perhaps we may not be deluded. Let us hope so.

Thank you dharma brothers and sister. Welcome Holly.

Blame

2007-08-06T05:58:00.000-07:00

I overhead this conversation between the jay and the bat early this morning:

What does blame do? Makes victim and oppressor.

What does blame hide? The pain of both.

How is blame dissolved? Forgiveness of self and the other; love of self and the other; gratefulness.

Katie's birthday

2007-08-05T13:40:00.000-07:00

Today is my daughter's nineteenth birthday. Katie is an amazing young woman and I am incredibly proud to be her father. I am grateful for every moment.

There is nothing I know like becoming a parent and then having to let go. Like much of life the secret to being happy is to keep loving after letting go.

I love you Katie.

Crickets return

2007-08-03T06:14:00.000-07:00

The crickets return
In full ochestra with July's heat;
We lay in the yard.

What's happened to The Renaissance Man?

2007-08-01T06:06:00.000-07:00

When young I often envisioned myself leading the life of a Renaissance Man. One who among other things:

Read often, not just what I enjoyed but also what would expand my knowledge and lead to wisdom.
Had knowledge of science, art, politics and ethics.
Considered myself as never knowing enough.
Considered myself as having only one point of view among many.
Included the physical arts among the arts.
Knew more than one language.

Flash forward, what's happened? Well, this ideal is now titled The Integral Person and has a low value in Amerika, outside of academia where more illusion due to belief in specialization exists than wisdom. And being a responsible adult I now have goals in these categories. LOL.

My wisdom to date? I believe that two most important qualities of the Integral Person are to laugh at oneself and to love others. This opens the door through which all practices lead to wisdom.

What's the biggest obstacle to becoming Integral Persons? For middle-class Amerikans it is our jobs. Whether due to greed or to pride or misplaced commitments we give too much time and energy to our work; leaving too little time and energy for other practices. STOP IT so you can begin other practices. Just pick one, or a new one, steal the time and energy from your job and start practicing.

Let me offer two resources for aspiring Integral Persons:
1. Ken Wilbur's Integral Naked site at www.integralnaked.org
2. Jack Ricchiuto's new book, Conscious Becoming available at www.DesigningLife.com

And one inspiration. I have a friend in his mid-fifties who in the past five years has learned a new language, fallen in love with the Earth, begun creating his life in a sustainable way, learned photography, bought a new bike, started an on-line column, entered a new love relationship, and created a sustainable living affinity group with the coolest name created in Cleveland this year (way cooler than Cleveland+) among similar practices. If you know him you are inspired to expand your practices.

Rockin' with my Daughter

2007-07-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

My daughter gave me the privilege of going to a rock concert with her last week. She's eighteen, nineteen a week from today, I'm ... - doesn't matter how old I am does it, I'm her dad - always old to her.

We saw Collective Soul, Live and Counting Crows. I love Live - transcendent, hard rock. Almost every song ended up with Ed K wailing but it's wailing about love and wisdom and dolphins. Katie was there mostly for Counting Crows - Adam D was too dramatic at times but very into his audience, who loved he and boys.

I was just proud that my daughter didn't worry about looking uncool by hanging with her old man dad and honored that she'd rock with me.

It's always cathartic to rock!

Peace One Day

2007-07-27T17:54:00.000-07:00

September 21 is the international day for peace: Peace One Day. Here's the story from its founder, Jeremy Gilley. Check out the banner at the top of my blog.

July 2007
Dear Friends,
I founded Peace One Day in 1999 to document my efforts to create an annual day of global ceasefire and non-violence with a fixed calendar date. In 2001, POD achieved its primary objective. United Nations General Assembly resolution (A/Res/55/282) was unanimously adopted by UN member states, formally establishing an annual day of global ceasefire and non-violence on the UN International Day of Peace, fixed in the global calendar on 21 September – Peace Day.
With the Day in place, POD’s main aim is to raise awareness of Peace Day 21 September. POD is a non-profit organisation, impartial and independent of any government, political persuasion, corporation or religious creed.
Last year on 21 September, 27.6 million people from 200 countries did something for Peace Day. I hope you’ll make your own commitment for Peace Day and log it on this website. By working together there will be Peace One Day. We look forward to hearing from you.
With thanks and best wishes
In peace
Jeremy Gilley

The Moments of the Day

2007-07-26T18:55:00.000-07:00

Which moments of the day do you enjoy the most as they take place? Laughing, accomplishing, talking with friends, being reminded of those now passed whom we loved dearly? These are some of mine.

Which moments of the day do you look back at with pride? Rising to the challenge, non-attachment to the rising negative emotions, realizations of wisdom? These are some of mine.

What if the two merged closer and closer together - enjoyment in the moment and relishment of the memory? Being present, without attachment, growing wise. It's easier than you think. Just merge the two. They are only different in our mind, in our emotions, not in reality.

My Green Month

2007-07-22T16:30:00.000-07:00

Check out my friend Chuck Ackerman's monthly blog called 'My Green Month" on Green City Blue Lake: http://www.gcbl.org/spirit/needs-and-desires/my-green-month

Chuck recently decided to take personal action to live a greener life. He's an inspiring guy. He recently convened a group of such "get greener" folks, the group is called GangGreen. Best new name since BandAid in my opinion.

Peace and joy to you.

"A Good Day" with Brother David Steindl-Rast

2007-07-20T08:37:00.001-07:00

Guaranteed to transform your attitude and experence of today.

Remembering when ...

2007-07-05T07:10:00.000-07:00

I remember when ...
- the cat was so small that he fit in the palm of my hand.
- we had our family reunions on Pelee Island.
- ping pong was a common family sport.
- in the summer we left the house in the morning came home for lunch, left again, came home for dinner, left again, and came home at dark.
- living life became more complicated.

I'm simplifying now.

Dog days and baseball.

2007-07-03T19:22:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting on the back porch listening to baseball on the radio. Tigers and Indians in extra innings. This is one reason why I love the summer.

The "dog days" of summer began today by the appearance at sunrise of Sirius, the Dog Star. Enjoy.

Free Enjoyment

2007-07-02T08:05:00.000-07:00

How do people enjoy themselves with others?

Talking about what they have in common brings a level of enjoyment. Listening to another person talk about something or someone they love in their life can bring a higher level of enjoyment.

Neither is better but we're more practiced at the first and less at the second - missing out on free enjoyment. I'm working on cashing in on this coupon.

Slowing down at twilight

2007-06-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

What is it about slowing down that allows even more "things" to get done?

When I try to squeeze too much into too little time I just stress and freak.

When I intentionally slow down and do less I gain more time which allows me to do more.

And I see the cardinal sitting on the wire, the color of the brick wall, and the fireflies and swallows kissing earth and sky at twilight.

Thanks to all.

Turning fifty

2007-06-27T18:04:00.000-07:00

My fiftieth birthday is coming up soon and I think there are two types of people in the world. Those that dread turning fifty and those that more so dread their fiftieth birthday party. I'm not sure which one I am yet.

Truth is here

2007-06-22T14:39:00.000-07:00

So little honesty here,
so weary this deception.
Complexity just hides the fear.
Truth is here, breathe it in.

Sostice beginnings

2007-06-21T19:09:00.000-07:00

The solstice sun nods,
says hello to moon and stars.
We begin again.

Spring and Summer

2007-06-19T07:54:00.000-07:00

For Spring, gratefulness.
For Summer, sunshine and storms.
For now eternal.

Thank you Dad

2007-06-17T17:49:00.000-07:00

Thank you Dad for 65 years of putting your children first. That was a commitment you might have found difficult but never waivered on your always trying. And we were trying - all eight of us. I express my gratitude to you almost every day. You know it. Today we all say thank you again.

P.S. Say hi to Mom.

Love, Mark

Calmness

2007-06-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

I'm struggling lately with calmness. Or the lack of calmness. What's the opposite? Tension, agitation, irritation, etc.

I know I can only find calmness in this present moment. Got to remember that. Stop searching for it elsewhere.