What is this aging?

What is this aging
that hides and scares me at night?
My children delight me.

October so crisp

October so crisp -
her days friend-warm, nights firm-chilled;
like any good friend.

Celebrate inconsistency

There is no perfection other than the way things are now. Consistency is a concept that warps reality and a practice that makes us into liars.

Autumn once more

Earth she knows no stress;
Why worry about worrying,
All things being equal?

Back from Hibernation

Summer's almost over. I'm coming out of blog hibernation. Watch out.

Fear and the Future

I'm at our headquarters in Maryland participating in high-level planning for our organization. We are creating our next five year strategic plan.

Here's what I notice: Fear has us focus on deficiencies. I'm talking about very subltle, sometimes insidious fear. Like with personal growth I believe that only practices will more fully uncover negative emotions and thoughts that limit us. In this case, the practice is to focus on assets and strengths and to plan from that place. If we pay attention then this practice will uncover our fears.

The great thing about uncovering our fears is that we can then be with them, say hello, and, perhaps, say goodbye; we will actually be more aware of them but we no longer will be working based upon them.

I'm excited about our work today.

My Fault

My fault is that I run away. I've done it for so long that I believe it find pleasure in doing so.

The dharma teaches me that doing so brings suffering. My commitment is to follow the dharma in this matter.

When I am pumped about being with this reality I yell, "Bring it on". When I find no motivation to be with this reality I seek my commitment to the dharma, to the option for not suffering, and to my love for this world.

A Fence for Joy

My brother Sean and I tore down the fence in the back of our yard and put up a new one over the weekend. My love/hate relationship with home improvements was absent on this project because Sean has a ken for such work. I love being the #2 guy to someone who knows what they are doing. And we just have a darn good time working and being together.

Last evening as Bobbi and were talking about this she told me, "Yes, you make a good second lieutenant." I told her that I think when there are just two workers I'm not sure both are officers.

The fence looks great. Our neighbors are happy with it. Bobbi is happy. Sean and I had a joyful time. Amen.

A Capitol Possibility

We attended the ribbon cutting for the Capitol Theater here at W. 65 & Detroit last night. As part of the Gordon Square Arts District the Capitol will be a three-screen theater for independent, foreign and documentary films. Here on the west side! The best part? Bobbi will no longer be suffered to listen to me whine all the way over to the east side for such films.

The event yesterday was sponsored by Detroit Shoreway. They honored and thanked all those investors making the renovation and opening of the Capitol possible. But in addition to the investors there are two people in particular that we can thank: Ray Pianka and Jeff Ramsey. Without both of them, during their particular time of leadership, this possibility would not be-becoming a reality. Thanks Ray and Jeff.

I'm picturing myself in a seat at the Capitol watching a great new foreign film - and only two blocks from my home - a two-run homer.

Crossing the harbor

Disappointment rings the bell,
calls mind and body to release
attachment to this and that;
sitting on this seat.

Traction in my mind

I spent the day with Bobbi here in New York City exploring some of Staten Island. We took the subway, the ferry, two buses and our feet to visit the Staten Island Botanical Garden (http://www.sibg.org/) and Alice Austen's house (http://www.aliceausten.org/). (The Chinese Scholar's Garden at the SIBG is a must.)

I'm not by nature an adventurous traveller without a car. Although I found out in England last fall that I'm pretty cool with it when out in the country. The urban intensity sets me off my mark, so to speak. Bobbi then becomes the guide and she is a fantastic one.

What I find out in these situations is that it's great to give up decisions to her and just enjoy the trip. As I said, I'm more accomplished at this in certain environments over others. What I do know is that when I can let go of the story that I automatically bring to the situation, "I don't do well travelling in the big city", other stories come up, get created, gain traction in my mind. I like that.

Be well.

Incentives, motivation and inertia

I was in Columbus today to make grant allocation decisions for affordable green housing developments in Ohio. We had significantly more projects "going green" and requesting funds than we had funds available.

It is inspiring that so many developers of affordable housing around the state are making a commitment to build their housing to be green, healthy and respectful of natural resources. The diversity of developments includes urban and rural; non-profit and for-profit; new construction and rehab; senior housing, family housing and housing for homeless.

This experience shows that incentives can encourage well-meaning businesses to jump in and do the right thing. The incentives jump start the process, they do not pay for the new endeavor in full, they do enable motivation, instead of inertia, to be determine the future. Amen.

My Morning Prayer

Waking up this morning I smile,
a brand new 24 hours are before me;
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.

- Thich Naht Hanh

Gifts are chosen

Whatever talents we have, whatever we are good at, whatever best other people see in us - none of that is a gift unless and until we give it to others.

My that sounds trite; something from 4th grade religion class, no? But let's look at it with no judgement involved. My talents are no less a talent if I do not give it to others. And there is nothing bad about not giving it; keep that guilt away!

A transformation takes place when I choose to share a talent with someone else. The act is what transforms not the talent. Giving makes the talent a gift. Gifts are where surprise and hope find life (thank you Brother David.) In other words, gifts make life rich.

Greed

Buddha taught that there are Three Poisons: Greed, Hatred and Delusion.

The current housing crisis is certainly caused by Greed. The banks, the investment houses, the investors all wanted to "increase their margin" as usual. Don't they make it sound innocuous? Our governments allowed them to do it. So mostly innocent folks are now losing their homes, losing the value of the primary investment and suffering increased crime.

Meanwhile, what's up with these greedy banks? This from the New York Times this morning on one of them, Deutshce Bank:

''Conditions have become significantly more challenging during the last few weeks,'' the bank said. ''Reflecting this environment, Deutsche Bank anticipates in the first quarter 2008 markdowns in the region of 2.5 billion euros, related to leveraged loans and loan commitments, commercial real estate and residential mortgage-backed securities.''
Despite the write-downs, the bank said it expected to stay on its course and its shares rose 2.8 percent to 73.70 euros ($116.53)."

In other words, "we're writing off $4 billion and it's going to stay bad but our shares are rising because other greedy investors think that we are still relatively a good opportunity for a little more margin."

The world will end this way, for the benefit of a little more margin.

Let Go of Time

Let go of the past,
Let go of the future,
Welcome.

My Hopes

I am down here in Dallas participating in developing a five year strategic plan for our Dallas market team. Yesterday we were asked what some of our hopes were. My answers:

One hope I have for the world: Understanding among all people.

One hope I have for my family: Abounding happiness.

One hope I have for myself: Be fearless.

Yeah Baby!

Moon on the Water

Moon on the water
Guides my early morning flight.
Wing obstructs my view.

Resurrection Faith

I believe that we die and can be reborn hundreds of times each day.
I believe that we die and can remain dead for years.
Courage to find joy is the difference.
Teachers are the difference.
Seeing Wonder is the difference.
Standing for Peace is the difference.
Being present, fearless and with love in our hearts is the difference.

Anniversaries

Today would have been my parents' 63rd wedding anniversary. They made it to their 59th in this life. I honor their life together by saying thank you for the world that they made better, for giving me life, giving my children life and for breaking a sad Irish tradition of drinking too much and fucking up lives - they had great lives!



Today is also the anniversary of the destruction of the One Ring that led to the downfall of so many in LOTR through greed and misuse of power. In memory I ask, What is the One Ring in our world today? Greed and power are certainly fucking up the world now, sadly screwing working folk and poor folks in this country and throughout the world; and fucking up the earth as we speak. What will it take to get those in power to see the brutality of their way? If only we had a ring to throw into the fire. Meanwhile, speaking truth must be our anniversary flag.

When an action is without love does it have value?

I read an obituary in The Economist on the plane yesterday, of Baba Amte. He was born into well-off family in India but became a follower of Gandhi which led to his becoming a champion of India's lepers and outcastes. He died on February 9th at the age of 93.

His story is amazing for this - he chose to make love the meaning of his life. By accident he touched a leper one day and drew back in fear. This shaped his life. "He was outraged at the fear he felt ... Where the was fear, he told himself, there was no love; and when an action was not done it love, it had no value."

I'm not called to live on an ashram (yet, Bobbi) but I am called by Baba Amte's commitment to loving action. Today.

Offering Goodness

We talked at the Zendog yesterday about humans acting out of fear and constriction rather than out of confidence in the goodness we have to offer and the unending expansiveness that is our true nature.

Offering our goodness to others is a seed for both the giver and the one who receives; a seed that when watered with confidence in our true nature grows into greater goodness for both. In this case, unending means unending.

Fearlessness supports presence which supports love, which is none other than the offering of goodness that exists anyway - it's just joyful to realize it.

Late Winter Embers

Late winter embers
warm my feet; ready now.
My heart looks back.

Give a loose to your soul

In the poem, Two Tramps in Mud Time, Robert Frost writes,

"The blows that a life of self-control
Spares to strike for the common good,
That day, giving a loose to my soul,
I spent on the unimportant wood."



While reading the poem today I fell in love with that line, "giving a loose to my soul." The protagonist moved beyond his life of work, of attainment, of self-control, even though done for the common good, and gave himself permission to just chop wood; the chopping really no less important, and no more, than his other work.


Where is the opportunity in your life today to give a loose to your soul?

One response

Time is.

Leap Day Koan

Why do we say Happy Leap Day?

Choices We Make

I was driving down to Columbus today when, twenty miles into the trip, I turned around. Without getting into details that are unimportant anyway what was clear was that I got in touch with having a choice and that each choice had consequences, the karma of that choice.

Being in touch with the karma of our choices is good practice. We cannot see what will happen but we can bring awareness to our actions.

Less judgement, more awareness. Wise.

Late February Fire

Building this fire in this my stolen time,
does give me satisfaction; as I shall tend
the flame, shall add more wood and move it so
as just to burn a way allowing rhyme.

Late in February my mind’s toward Spring;
talk of gardening both afternoon and eve.
Yet snow fell lightly down just Thursday night
and sunshine’s melt’s left to imagining.

So much more the joy this fire excites
in me as winter wanes yet warmth now lacks.
So I shall tend and call upon the flames
for every need illumined in her light.

What needs? The sight for temporary times;
A heart to burn away all fears; a voice
for calling in the Spring; and, whispering,
faith in the flames when fears freeze heart and mind.

A Love Supreme

Find our costumes
for the day, the month, this moon;
for now we play as him, towards her,
not forever, certainly not.
Sadly we half-hide the costume which
half-hides the change creating our yearning.
Let's wear these costumes with pride
and a love supreme may blow.

It's Spatial Stupid

Yesterday on the radio I heard a blind scientist talking about a new system of maps that he's created based on braile. Streets on the maps are raised and use notations to indicate names and directions, etc.

What a simple idea but not successfully used before. The scientist said, "People think of maps as visual but they are not, they are spatial", and blind people also have spatial relationships to the physical world.

What a great example of how what we already know often gets in the way of other knowing - or more often, of relating to others and how they might know the same thing differently, thus enriching our own knowing.

Just stop fighting

To stop fighting was is
we cannot turn to fight what is not -
just stop fighting.

Becoming Fetchable

Joan Sutherland in the current issue of Buddhadharma magazine writes about how koan practice grew out of 8th century China during a period of deep troubles. I highly recommend the article.

She writes, "Practice is about making us fetchable. It helps us to recognize what gets in the way of our being fetched, and then gives us a method to deconstruct the obstacle."

What a great, beautiful and challenging goal - to become fetchable. Being open to being fetched by all around us, without judgements, concepts, fears, hopes, etc. Go for it.

The Earth is Cold Today

How strange - to be some warm yesterday then so cold today. It is in single digits this afternoon. So hard to connect to the same earth.

I read a Wendel Berry poem again that talks of being estranged from the dance of the earth in the city. In Song (3), he writes:
"I knew that circle broken, the steps awry,
stone and iron humming in the air.

But I thought even there, among the straying
steps, of the dance that circles life around,
its shadows moving on the ground, in rhyme
of flesh with flesh, time with time, our bliss,
the earthly song that heavenly is."

How wonderfully put - that connection is always available. I brought firewood inside today and have had a fire on and off all day in the living room. Thanking the earth and nature. Amen.

Buffy a boddhisatva?

I've been watching a lot of Buffy lately. Yes, that's correct, I'm 50 and also a BTVS fan, bigtime. What of it Seth?

Here's part of why I love the show: Buffy and crew usually don't know how they are going to deal with their challenges; hell, they don't even know how to deal with day to day life. To meet life and their challenges they:
- Are honest with themselves, although not necessarily always with each other.
- Practice every day; Buffy with her kick and punch and stake routine, Willow with her magics and meditation, etc.
- Rely on each other - so even when they are not honest with each other as a routine, when the hard times come, as they do every day in the form of external demons, they ask for help, they communicate from the heart.
- They have a big hairy audacious goal always in the forefront: Save the world.

Boddhisatvas for sure.

Super bore

Tell you what. Let's do the show without the football and without the commercials. Just quiet, relaxing nothing. What'ya say?

Calling to speak

I joined with other officers in my company today to review our mission and values as part of developing a new five year strategic plan. There were almost fifty of us.

The conversation was so rich and resulted in some remarkable changes. I wonder why? Everyone in the room is very smart in one way or another. Everyone is very committed to the organization and to our social change mission. But I've been in meetings with the group before and the level of creativity and collaboration did not reach today's achievements.

I think it was because everyone in the room was committed to everyone else having a voice. That respect was clear and it called out to folks to contribute. Without being trite I can say that it was an honor to be part of the event with this group.

Worry and judgement

The Worry Train that bring tension and insomnia often brings along the Judgement Caboose.

Perhaps the best way to derail the train is to jump on the caboose and say, "Hello judgement, let's be friends, I let you go."

May your train cars rock you in peace and show you a world of beauty.

Always fertile

The cactus blooms again:
a wonder in pink and green.
Christ in us always fertile.

I vote for that

How do these political candidates do it? Are they all playing Dr. Faustus, even as they think that in the end it will be for the benefit of the country? I think so.

Then who are we? If we respond with cynicism we are just cynics, no matter how right we think we are in response to their bull. Let's respond with another choice. Compassion for the folks we meet today. Belief in our true nature as all connected and all already enlightened. I vote for that.

Unjustifed winter beauty

I drove back from Columbus late this afternoon. I was dog tired after two days of meetings. But I remembered how I love the trees along the highway this time of year. You can see so far into the woods, each tree standing out in it brownness, its greyness, and all the colors in between. A gift of winter colors - just as beautiful as spring and summer and fall, more so in being unjustified beauty. I am thankful.

Driving to Sunrise

I had the opportunity to drive a couple miles to the Sunrise to work this morning. I had dropped Bobbi off out in the hinterlands of lakewood for a meeting. As I drove Earth called out to let me know I was also on the Flatlands above the Lake, not quite up to the Ridge.

Sunrise, Lake, Flatland, Ridge. Not streetnames or anthropocentric. Big Self calling.

SWOT the small self

What if we did a SWOT analysis of our small self?

Strength: Brings itself to collapse through clinging
Weakness: Maintains illusion of its own existence
Opportunity: Hates suffering
Threat: Likes suffering

See or go blind

The swifts cry
As they shoot by, See or go blind!

- Gary Snyder, "Hunting", in "Myths and Texts"

Awareness is possible in every present moment. To be unaware is to be blind - but a blindness that is curable, only in the present; this present.

What is Grace?

What is Grace but unwrapping the gift of being human?

A New Year's wish from Shunryu Suzuki-roshi

When you are not thinking that you have another moment,
then naturally you can accept things as they are,
you can see things as they are.
You will have perfect wisdom at that time.